Post Grad Problems and Solutions: Parental Pressure

As a post grad, you've had people telling you what to do your whole life. Your teachers, professors, friends, family and especially your parents. Parents are all different and have different styles of parenting. Some students have laid back and supportive parents that just want their children to do what they love. Others have strict and overbearing parents that only want their children to follow their footsteps or go into a certain field. Perhaps you have a mix of the two.

A common post grad problem is often lining up what you want to pursue with what your parents want you to do with your life. How do you let them know that you're now an adult and need to make your own decisions that pertain to the rest of your life?

1. Write them a letter. This may seem odd, but think of it this way: when you give someone a letter, it allows you to get all of your feelings out and revise what you want to say until it sounds perfect. This way they won't be able to interrupt you and you won't get frustrated and start an argument.

2. Offer your goals and ways you are going to achieve them. Selling yourself with a plan you have set in motion will help ease your parent's mind if they are worried about your career path.

3. Find an ally. Find a friend, mentor, professor, boss, etc. that can lead you in the right path and give you positive affirmations and advice. If you don't have your parent's approval, you can find another great person to fill that void.

4. Take a good, hard look at your career and life goals. If your parents are worried about your career path, perhaps they are right in doing so. Determine if they are aren't supportive, just want you to follow their footsteps, or if your goals are potentially unreachable.

How to NOT Throw Out Work Relationships Like Thanksgiving's Leftovers

One of the most impactful books I have read is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written in 1936, it's a classic in interpersonal relations and has helped millions of people develop stronger relationships at home and at work. Work is of particular interest here not simply because this is a career blog: the power of our relationships plays a significant role in our ability to perform well, professional reputation, and success. If you feel that your work relationships need, well, work, follow some of the principles that Mr. Carnegie espouses to freshen them up:

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain: Three big ones, right off the bat. It's human nature to do all of these things...but do we truly think about the damage we do to others or to ourselves when we do them? When we approach others with a modicum of kindness and let that kindness permeate itself through our behaviors we will find that our ability to deliver feedback-even the negative kind-is met with respect and thanks.

Give honest and sincere appreciation: When was the last time that you directed sincere appreciation toward someone at work, the kind that doesn't seem obligatory or an afterthought? Set a goal for yourself to give sincere appreciation ten times for every one time that you criticize. And when you give that appreciation, follow this formula: 1.) sincerely thank them for what they did; 2.) tell them specifically what you are thanking them for; and 3.) tell them how what they did positively impacted business results.

Get curious: This isn't directly a Carnegie principle, but one I think that he would appreciate. When we put ourselves in a place of curiosity around others-being in wonder instead of being at odds with them-we are able to better control our mood and our actions. Stay curious and interested in others and your behavior-and other's attitude about you-will change.

Thanksgiving leftovers can sit in your refrigerator and get stinky or they can be used to create some wonderful post-holiday dishes. Keep your work relationships from going bad by following these suggestions from a place of integrity and sincerity. Your work will be a feast of opportunities and success.

Beat The Post Grad Relationship Blues

During college, whether you live on campus or commute, there are many ways to make new friends. You talk to new people every day whether it is in class, in a club, at a party, the library, through other friends, and the list goes on. Yet, when you become a post grad, loneliness can set in. Whether your college is far away from your hometown or a few minutes away, you are now away from the social circle that was your world. For me, I went to college in my hometown and commuted. I lived in an apartment even closer to campus for two semesters. Then I graduated and moved back home, earlier than 95% of my friends. Currently, my boyfriend and most of my friends still go to college, some at Oakland University and some at other colleges in the state.

This also really affected me in the job search and it will continue to do so for the time being. I’ve decided to stay in Michigan since my support group of my parents, family, boyfriend, and friends are here. Some people might be okay with moving half-way across the country for a job where they don't know anyone, but I think many people are like me and need that support, especially so soon after graduating. Many post grads simply don't have the money to move to another state and start over, even if they are okay with being somewhere different alone.

Also, I mentioned my internships in my last post and you might say, "Well you should make new friends at those!" Unfortunately I mostly work from home or at someone's home. I love this, but it doesn't really help my social life much. So I've compiled a list of ways to keep close the friends who are busy with school while you work at being a post grad and making new friends when you're simply job hunting or freelancing.

1. Make use of social media. In my last post, I talked all about using social media to your benefit when job hunting. Use it to your benefit when staying in touch too! Remember that your friends are busy juggling classes, fraternities and sororities, clubs and activities, and their own social life at school. It is easy for them to forget about their friend who just graduated, unfortunately. So for the time being, make the extra effort if you have the time.

2. If you're a blogger, connect with other bloggers. I've found many times that people are going through the same things as I am and like to write about it also. Search for blogs on being a post grad and you'll automatically make new friends with someone who is dealing with post graduation highs and lows, just like you. This can also be a great way to network with people you might not meet otherwise!

3. If you don't have the opportunity to meet new people at a new job or internship just yet, connect with new people other ways. Head to your local library, pottery shop, or cake shop to take a class on a new (or beloved) hobby. You'll meet people that share at least one similar interest and chances are you'll have a lot more in common!

4. Take a part-time job. I met some of the best people working at a retail store throughout high school and college. This is a chance to make some extra money while you look for a career you love and a way to meet new people. Sure, you'll probably encounter some difficult personalities, but chalk it up to experience. I guarantee you will make at least one new friend as you make some extra dough!

So whether you're dealing with after college decisions based on your relationships or just looking for ways to keep in touch or make new friends as you job hunt, just be patient. There will be times of loneliness and that is normal! Know that you have a support group no matter what job you end up with or how long it takes you to get there.