How to Lose Friends & Coworkers in the Work Place

 

There are some sure-fire ways to antagonize your co-workers and colleagues and you likely know one or two people you’d prefer not to work with.

It’s always good to evaluate our behavior at work to confirm we’re not making our co-worker’s lives more difficult. And if you are new to a workplace ensure that the following behaviors do not become part of your routine.

Be late for meetings. Your colleagues value their time and don’t want to spend any additional time in meetings. So, avoid tardiness so you don’t develop the habit of being the one person everyone is constantly waiting for.

Have a negative attitude. No one wants to work with a person who sees the negative in everything, always knows why every project will fail, or believes the company is going bankrupt. A negative attitude will make it difficult to advance in your career.

Fail to meet deadlines. When you have coworkers depending on you to complete a project you need to … complete the project. On time. Few failures will alienate you faster at work than failing to deliver on your promises and projects. You’ll soon wonder why key assignments are not coming your way.

Communicate poorly. Success at work and on the job requires the ability to communicate clearly and well with colleagues and clients, both in person and in writing. It can be incredibly frustrating to deal with a co-worker who struggles to effectively communicate and can slow down work on projects.

Gossip about your co-workers. When you’re told something in confidence, whether from a co-worker, or some insider company info, it’s important to be able to hold that information privately, rather than sharing it with others or spreading gossip. Developing a reputation as a gossip is a sure-fire way to sabotage your career and prevent opportunities for advancement.

There are many other ways to alienate your co-workers—leaving a mess in co-working spaces, heating up that salmon leftover in the microwave in your kitchenette, or clipping toe nails at your desk—but you're probably savvy enough to figure those out on your own.

Romance in the Workplace: Dos and Don'ts

Yes, dating a co-worker is common and according to some studies as many as 40% of workers have experienced an office romance. A flirtation at work can certainly make it more interesting to come into work on a Monday morning but there are also some dangers involved and before embarking on dating a co-worker it's best to understand the risks, such as developing a negative reputation in your HR department.

Here then are some dos and don'ts when it comes to romance in the workplace.

DON'TS 

Don't romance on company time. When starting a new relationship there is often a lot of excitement and interest in spending time with that other person, and talking with them as much as possible. Be sure to limit this at work. Avoid private lunch dates that could result in excessive (and unapproved) time away from the workplace, and definitely avoid public displays of affection, while resisting any fantasies you might have about sex in the office. Keep your romance to non-working hours (like evenings and the weekend) and you'll avoid any potential work conflicts.

Don't start a romance with someone who is not available. This should go without saying but only pursue a romance with someone who is single and unattached. In addition to the ethical issues involved, starting a relationship with someone who is married or otherwise attached can result in many problems and conflicts that can significantly impact your work and personal life.

Don't let it impact your work. If you're going to fall in love at work be sure to continue to do your job well. This involves fulfilling your basic work responsibilities and, as noted above, avoiding romancing on company time.

Don't date your manager or someone who reports to you. Avoid the power dynamics and conflicts that come from dating someone you report to or someone who reports to you. This will prevent any ethical violations on your job, such as showing or receiving favoritism when it comes to promotions, opportunities, or pay raises.

DOS

Do watch what you say. It can be tempting to talk about your work days and struggles and it can be a real positive to have someone close to you who understands the dynamics and struggles of your particular job. However, avoid gossiping about co-workers or sharing negative comments about your boss. If your office romance comes to an end some of your words might just be shared with others you work with. 

Do maintain a good working relationship if the romance ends. Most office romances do not result in marriage and so you need to be prepared for the end of the romance and a continuation of an effective and professional working relationship. If this seems unlikely for you it might be best to avoid a workplace romance altogether.

Do follow company protocol and policy. Many companies have policies in place in regard to work-place romance and if you want a future in your company it's best to consider these. Some discourage these relationships while others encourage you to be transparent about an office romance. It is particularly important to consider company policy and consult your HR department if you decide to embark on one of the "don'ts" from above: dating a supervisor or someone who reports to you.

Do take no for an answer. Workplace harassment is a common and serious issue. If your potential partner does not return your interest or decides to break things off after a few dates handle the situation maturely and do not press the situation. If you have a difficult time letting go in relationships that might just be a clue to avoid a workplace relationship.

A workplace romance can help make the job more interesting, and provide you with someone who understands the daily struggles of the job. You might just even find a life partner on the job (like I was fortunate to do).

However, there are negative aspects to office romances and risks involved and it's best to know what you're getting into before you pursue a relationship with a coworker.  

High 5 Weekly Career Transitions Roundup: 5 Ways to Grow a Side Business While Keeping Your Day Job

This is our weekly roundup of some of the best career-related articles, interviews, blogs, etc., we've read during the week. We share them so you have some great resources to prepare you for the coming week. Enjoy!

• 5 Ways to Grow a Side Business While Keeping Your Day Job: "There’s an app for systematizing almost every aspect of your business. Your goal should be to free up as much time as possible to work on revenue-driving tasks that net the highest return for the limited amount of free time you have."

• 7 Ways to Become a Better Person this Week: "Instead of wasting even a second considering the opinions of future people—people who are not even born yet—focus every bit of yourself on being the best person you can be in the present moment."

• 10 Harsh Lessons That Will Make You More Successful: "When all is said and done, you will lament the chances you didn’t take far more than you will your failures. Don’t be afraid to take risks."

• 4 Steps to Building Your Dream Career: "There’s no point spending time planning out a dream career in an industry or occupation that you are just not passionate about."
• How to Steer Clear of Office Gossip: "My own preferred tactic, which I used successfully over the years, involved a combination of ignoring the conversation and instead going on to inject a business-related subject that had no connection to what was being gossiped about."

5 Topics of Conversation to Avoid in the Workplace

If you work in the average workplace then you likely are friendly with your co-workers and find yourselves engaged in conversations on topics that have nothing to do with work. In some cases this is helpful and results in colleagues becoming friends.

However, sometimes you can spend time discussing topics that are divisive and have the opposite effect. Spend too much time on these topics and you might end up with an enemy or two at work.

Here are five topics you should consider avoiding in conversations with your co-workers on the job:

1. Politics. Of course, this is a big one and this year might be the most divisive election ever. Even something that might seem fairly innocuous, like a campaign bumper sticker posted in a cubicle, can lead to unpleasant conversations. It's best to leave political conversations at home and when you're with friends.

2. Religion. When you're working you are there to do a job, not convert someone to your religious views. Of course, if someone asks about your weekend it's fine to mention attending a religious service but it should end there, unless your colleague asks to discuss it further. In that case, you might suggest meeting up for lunch or after work. As tolerant as we might like to think we are, religious conversations can become contentious and are best left outside of the office.

3. Money. Speaking of religion, there is the Biblical observation that love of money is the root of all evil. Do not ask your colleagues how much money they make, what their salary is, or how much of a bonus they received ... and do not reveal this information about yourself. Talk of money in the workplace leads to envy and discontent. Do not go there.

4. Sex. No one in the workplace needs to know who you're sleeping with, when was the last time you had sex, or which colleague you'd most like to get with. And the workplace is not the place to be on the hunt for potential sexual partners. You are there to do a job, so do it.

5. Boss. The only person you should ever discuss your boss with is your boss, unless you are saying something positive about him or her. Never speak negatively about your boss to another colleague. If you must speak critically about your supervisor make sure it is in the constructive setting of an evaluation process. Otherwise, follow the maxim we learned as children: if you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all.  

The Four Agreements at Work - First in a Series

I believe that we are all striving to be better: better professionals, better spouses, better board members, better parents, better people. And - given recent events in our country (especially Connecticut) - we are given over to a period of reflection and search for a deeper meaning.

Driven personally by this desire for improvement and meaning, I recently picked up the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz; a book that, dare I say, has sat on my bookshelf for years. I found the simple wisdom he professes profound...and entirely applicable to navigating one's career.

In this series I will expound on the four agreements contained within the book and how they pertain to your job search and/or your professional life. It is no substitute for reading the book yourself (and please do. It's the size of a postcard and a mere 138 pages) but puts a career context around his writing.

The first agreement: Be impeccable with your word
Being impeccable with your word is the practice of being mindful of what you say to yourself and what you say about others. Words - according to Ruiz - have a power we do not comprehend, influencing our inner being and environment. Your word is a force for manifestation.

And he's right. When you are feeling hurt or unconfident - in your job, while looking for a job, or anywhere else in your life - you tend to say negative things about yourself: I'll never excel at this. I'm unemployable. I'm stupid. When you say these things - putting them out into the universe - they not only become a self-fulfilling prophesy but a stain on your being.

The same can be said for what you say about others. Your words have the ability to convey love and empowerment or to damage people to their core. It seems that a single negative comment can undo the professionalism you spent an immeasurable amount of time creating. A prime example of this is office gossip. What purpose does this serve but to divide, ostracize, and hurt?

This agreement is more than just talking humanely to ourselves and refraining from gossiping: it is about embracing the opposite of a state of being that has been instilled in us from when we were very young. It means keeping negative ideas from influencing you and divorcing yourself from the need to be right. It is also an acknowledgement that the world is as you see it and not more important than the view of another.

Being impeccable with your word - says Ruiz - is the most important agreement, and the hardest one to fulfill.

Challenge: spend the next seven days being mindful of what you say to yourself, what you say to others, and ensuring that what flows through you embodies kindness and integrity. Post in the comments what you learned.

High 5 Weekly Career Transitions Roundup

This is our weekly roundup of some of the best career-related articles, interviews, blogs, etc., we've read during the week. We share these every weekend so you have some great resources to prepare you for the coming week. Enjoy!

1. The Big Career Shift: Your Financial Checklist
"Money is the biggest stumbling block when it comes to changing careers later in life. That’s because starting over in a new field, particularly a philanthropic one, or going the self-employment route usually comes with a price tag, at least initially."

2. Don't Let your Job Search Depress You
"If you are looking for a job right now, it is certain to take longer than you would like... So how do you keep your spirits up in such a tough environment?"

3. 7 Goofs to Avoid on a Thank-You Email
"Writing a well-crafted thank-you email following a job interview can give you a positive boost. It shows you're an organized, courteous, eager, and savvy professional."

4. Watch Your Mouth: Office Gossip and Other No-Nos 
"Whenever you hear something juicy about a colleague, whether it is related to work or not, you have the immediate impulse to share it across the hall."

5. Advice I Wish I Had Before Transitioning into Post-Grad Life
"College is the best time to test different fields and career paths and try to figure out what you really want in life. Take advantage of this opportunity by exploring as much as you can."